Stop Shaming People For Wanting To Die

TW : This post & poem discusses suicide (including ideation, attempts, & death), addiction, & self-harm.

jeremiah-walton-birth
“This Is My Body, I Guess,” Veracruz, Mexico

I DON’T KNOW WHAT HEALING FEELS LIKE, BUT IT DEFINITIVELY DOESN’T INVOLVE YOU INTRODUCING YOURSELF INTO THE SITUATION w. A TONGUE LEASHED TO DOGMATIC SYSTEMS OF VALUE

[ NOTE : at the bottom of this post are links to resources relating
to healing, prevention, & communities ]

I’ve been called selfish for attempting to kill myself.

I’ve also been shamed for forms of self-harm our culture does not consider acceptable.

I’ve been shamed as an addict, relating to a variety of drugs & alcohol—though, interestingly enough, if you create something “artsy enough,” people often excuse, entirely-overlook, or rationalize non-prescription drug use as a “normal, necessary part of the creative process & drive.” 

…but if you have a hat out on the sidewalk, asking for change?

“Junky. Lazy. Fuck off.”

Though kindness does show face, & these are strong generalizations, the predatory nature of these insecure cultural hierarchies quivers when something the individual doesn’t want to acknowledge within themselves is externally clear in someone else.

“Over-doses are natural selection.”

Institutionalized standards regarding the medication of trauma creates space for people who have more societally acceptable addictions/coping mechanisms for their pain, such as television series, eating (though, pending on your body processes & gender-presentation, billboards & vultures will gauge how they shame), sex (again, pending—), cigarettes, work, intellectualizing emotions, etc/etc/etc, to distance themselves & look down upon people medicating their pain/traumas w. addictions that are not acceptable, such as heroin, meth, benzos, RCs, stolen scripts, etc/etc/etc.

“People who commit suicide only think of themselves.”

I’ve watched homies shamed for expressing a desire to die by folks they’re close to, or share on how they’ve been shamed for sharing w. others that they’ve been thinking about suicide. Search “suicide shame” on The Icarus Projects’ FB group, & you’ll find swatches of people sharing their stories in a communal space that won’t rip into you for expressing ideation / attempts / desires.

Leave these smaller corners of the internet, & it’s not hard to find people shaming suicide + addiction…

Stop shaming people for wanting to die 

Shame doesn’t help anyone heal  

This poem (& post) is definitively not comprehensive, or asserting itself to be. The predacious aspects of this culture, & the systems of thought it cultivates, targets groups to varying degrees based on their identity, whether it’s race, sexual orientation, documents, religion, or any other expression of a person that doesn’t fit the billboard standards of marketed colonial-american morality.

This poem & post are post-it notes floating on a pond of experiences I can & cannot relate to. The scribbles & scratches here are attempts to take a step w. being vulnerable w. my own shit, & attempt to release some internalized experiences that someone else may benefit from.

“STOP SHAMING PEOPLE FOR WANTING TO DIE”

El Panchan, Chis, MX, 3.18.18

 


RESOURCES REGARDING SUICIDE & HEALING

If you any suggestions for mental health resources to include, please contact me w. “I Deserve Love” in the subject line of your email.

“WRITE THE POEM, RECORD, UPLOAD,”

“This poem’s a continuation of the “Write The Poem, Record, Upload” series, a compilation of “first-drafts” recorded & performed to ground cultivating a humility that’s not self-loathing.

The series is posted + archived in a FB photo-album. Add me as a ‘friend‘ (whatever that means to you), or click ‘follow‘ (whatever that means to you) to keep up.

If you’re not down w. FB, another option is to view the series’s on-site “Table of Contents,” & follow the gathering mileage + poems via @RuntRaccoon on IG.

&, I mean, I guess you can also hit me up on all 3… ya know? Show some love to this weird kid who’s shit w. self-promotion! Thanks for the support y’all!

& much gratitude to the folks that have helped me get this far ❤

jeremiah walton write the poem record upload series
“I deserve love. // You deserve love.”
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The Ocean Doesn’t Give A Damn : Keep Writing

jeremiah-walton-reading-poetry

SEEKING PUBLISHING MEDIUMS THAT ARE HEALTHY EXTENSIONS OF THE POEM

This site’s been dormant as an in-active archive of absence for the past couple of years, since about 2015, or so? I’m not sure. I’d reclused into travel & writing without the submission process, any gatekeepers, answering emails (well, outside working Nostrovia! Press), any consistent social media postings… None of that.

I’d spent 16-20 obsessed w. all that shit.

My writing reclused in journals, larger projects, scattered collages, phone notes, quiet readings over wine in front of open ovens, & spontaneous ciphers held down when a stage unexpectedly manifests w. an imagined mic on some rooftop not here. I completely reclused my poems into my travel, folded messily in irl performances, & completely disregarded digital release.

& that’s what I needed then. Not sure if this is what’s needed now,

but we’ll see. This site, this space, beginning w. this piece, is working on catching up w. the Write The Poem, Record, Upload,” a series of “first-drafts” that kicked off in January on FB w. the intent of learning practice a humility that’s not self-loathing.

Here’s one of the first attempts :

“THE PACIFIC EATS WORDS”

Zipolite, Oax., MX, 3.5.18

 


“WRITE THE POEM, RECORD, UPLOAD,”

“This poem’s a continuation of the “Write The Poem, Record, Upload” series, a compilation of “first-drafts” recorded & performed to ground cultivating a humility that’s not self-loathing.

The series is posted + archived in a FB photo-album. Add me as a ‘friend‘ (whatever that means to you), or click ‘follow‘ (whatever that means to you) to keep up.

If you’re not down w. FB, another option is to view the series’s on-site “Table of Contents,” & follow the gathering mileage + poems via @RuntRaccoon on IG.

&, I mean, I guess you can also hit me up on all 3… ya know? Show some love to this weird kid who’s shit w. self-promotion! Thanks for the support y’all!

& much gratitude to the folks that have helped me get this far ❤

“Write The Poem, Record, Upload,” Video Series

 

write the poem series cover
Table of Contents @ bottom of this page

TW : It’s important to mention that these poems deal w. peoples experiences, including drug addiction, over-doses, self-harm, paranoia, & suicide (both ideation + attempts).

WHY GIVE AN AUDIENCE YOUR SCRIBBLES & SCRAPES INSTEAD OF WHAT’S IN STUDIO?

The emotional aspects that came w. departing from Tucson to bumble around Mexico, & then the return up to the desert, is for writings not yet shared.

What’s more immediate is that, thru those stumbles & processes, I loosely began to maintain a project I’d nearly abandoned after it began in January; “Write The Poem, Record, Upload,” a series of poems written, recorded without edits, & uploaded to a FB album that compiles the series.

WHAT’S YOUR INTENT?

Thru recording & uploading videos of unedited poems, & operating within that honest & vulnerable spontaneity, I’m working to create a practice of humility that’s other than self-loathing. In sharing, I hope someone else gets something from these, but the main cycle’s intent is to let go of needing your validation, trust my own creative drive, & express compassion to the parts of myself I hate.

I give hallucinated readers (you) so much power that I’m wandering strung-out editing the midnight stroll. It’s made me afraid to share my poems online, & closes me in w. egotistical giggles of self-criticisms. That’s self-righteous, & exhausting.

The (growing) series can be browsed in its FB photo album, or thru the links/videos listed below in-order of their posting :

“WRITE THE POEM, RECORD, UPLOAD”

TABLE OF CONTENTS

NOTE : Some of these link to FB as the content transfers over to this site. It’ll be noted next to the title if you’ll be leaving jeremiahwalton.com for FB.

Receptive, critical, & emotional reactions are appreciated, either here, or on FB. So is sharing. I’m pretty awkward w. self-promotion, & have no idea what I’m doing.

& if ya dig these lil scribbles & scrapes, follow on soundcloud for upcoming audiochaps + compilations : soundcloud.com/jeremiahwalton

THANK YOU!  

jeremiah walton shoo studio time
studio sessions, January 2018

WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY?

[ answer coming ]

WHO HAS HELPED YOU SHAPE THIS SPACE?

[ answer coming ]

WHO HAS CARRIED YOU?

[ answer coming ]

WHAT DO YOU CONSIDER A “FIRST-DRAFT?”

[ answer coming ]

IS THERE A SCHEDULE TO EXPECT?

[ answer coming ]

***